Toxic Friendships

I used to believe that friendships should last a lifetime and I wold put in so much effort to ensuring my friendships would last the distance. In fact I used to have a saying that I would never walk away from a friend and that they would leave me before i left them.

I had a lot of learning to do when it came to friendships, my chaotic childhood, didn’t make it easier for me to learn some of these important social skills. changing schools over 13 times in childhood made it hard for me to make deep and lasting connections with any friends, so as an adult I made a commitment to myself that no matter what I would make sure I did my best to keep friendships going, it was a value I held on to for dear life often at the cost of my own wellbeing. resulting in holding onto friendships which were misaligned or even toxic.

Unlike romantic relationships we don’t go into friendships thinking this may end, we may break up someday - and this can leave us holding onto friendships and not addressing things in the dynamic of the friendship that no longer works for us.

Now I know we make friends at different stages of our lives. Sometimes, we outgrow friendships or our values change. And sometimes we start to realise that a friendship is toxic and not good for our emotional health.

In some friendships it can feel that none of our needs are being met, because the relationship support is one sided, or that you feel left out or even betrayed.

if you feel you want to avoid a friend or even cancel with someone every time you’re either scheduled to meet or the reach out for a catch up, this is something to look at.

Ask yourself what is it about this friendship that makes me feel this way?

If the friendship is meaningful to you, have an open conversation with your friend about how you're feeling and provide them with an opportunity to consider your emotions. Their response will guide whether the relationship should continue or if space is needed.

Not all friendships are last forever, this doesn't make you a bad person, it simply means that you yoube both grown. No friendship will ever feel good if it is based out of obligation.

Relationships of obligation create resentment, because in a healthy relationship we are supported and feels safe and heard.

Sometimes ending friendship or giving each other space is the kindest thing you can do for each other.

Friendship break ups can be very painful and shame inducing because we feel like the should last forever, when in reality they are like any other relationship, sometimes they last, sometimes they don’t.

Nobody really talks about how heartbreaking it can be when friendships end, and trying to hold on to friendship even when you know it’s run it’s course add more layers of shame and sadness to that grief. We need gracefully let go and allow ourselves the time and space to grieve the loss of friendships that once meant so much to us.

So When friendships end, give yourself space to grieve the loss, try not to hold on to resentments so that you can let the space that’s opened form new friendships to grow.

W‌ith love

Avril 💖🤗🌻