The Paradox of Relationships: It's Both About You and Not About You

Relationships are a curious thing. On one hand, they revolve around our personal experiences, emotions, and reactions. On the other hand, they’re about so much more than just us. So, how can both be true?

At the heart of every relationship lies our inner world—our past experiences, emotional scars, and deep-seated beliefs. These elements influence how we engage with others, which is why relationships are never just about the interaction between two people. They’re about the personal narratives we bring into these interactions, the unhealed wounds we carry, and the stories we’ve crafted from our past.

Each of us enters a relationship with our own baggage—stories that have shaped us, wounds that still ache, and beliefs handed down from our family or formed through early life experiences.

When we consciously choose to see ourselves in others instead of rushing to judge, blame, or criticise, we step into a space of self-awareness. In relationships rooted in love and a willingness to grow, the real work is often about stepping back from our own standpoint and trying to understand the other person’s heart, especially during moments of tension.

By doing this, we create a space where healing can begin—where curiosity and compassion lead the way, allowing us to explore each other’s minds in a way that strengthens the bond between us.

As children, we develop various coping mechanisms to survive the challenges of our environment. These can range from emotional wounds like trauma, abandonment, or bullying to physical changes like moving frequently or dealing with health issues. All of these experiences shape how we engage in relationships as adults.

For some, these coping strategies manifest as anxiety and a need for reassurance from their partner. This might show up as clinginess, jealousy, or an inability to maintain healthy boundaries. For others, the response might be the opposite—feeling trapped by commitment, fleeing when things get too intense, or even disappearing entirely to avoid difficult conversations. These defences build walls so high that it becomes nearly impossible for others to get close.

Even though these coping mechanisms can cause pain in different ways, they are, at their core, attempts to protect ourselves. The good news is that by acknowledging our needs and the fears driving these patterns, we can begin to change them.

In a healthy relationship, it’s crucial to be curious about the underlying emotions, beliefs, or fears behind these recurring patterns. By doing so, partners can support each other in diving deeper into love and understanding.

Self-awareness and taking responsibility for our emotions are fundamental to building conscious and healthy relationships in all areas of life.

Remember, this journey isn’t easy, but you’re not walking it alone. Each step you take towards greater self-awareness is a step closer to the deeper love and connection you seek.

With love

Avril 💕💕 💐